The need for foster homes is rising in Massachusetts. But what is foster care? Below is a firsthand account of a true experience in foster parenting, written by current foster parent, Marcy, at Ascentria Care Alliance’s Intensive Foster Care program in Brockton, MA.
How I decided that I wanted to do foster care is a bit of an interesting story. When I was 11, I told my mom that when I grew up, I wanted to do foster care. I really don't know why I decided to do this. I grew up in a family with 2 brothers and 2 parents. I didn't have any friends who were in foster care. I just felt this need early on. My mother always said the same thing." You buy a house and do foster care in your house, I'll come and visit". I think she believed that I would outgrow the idea. Obviously, that's not true.
I've been a foster parent for approximately 28 years.
When I first began, I worked for DCF and I had a full-time job. I fostered 4 boys, two aged six and two aged seven. It was difficult in the beginning working full time and coming home and working a second job with the boys. A challenge at times for sure, but I loved it. Maybe I didn't love it when I got calls from the school telling me that one (or more) of the boys was being suspended from school for a day or two.
Though, looking back, those instances were always more of a way to learn about those kids. Those times helped me to reach out to my family and friends for a "favor". It helped me a lot to develop a support system. I began getting friendly with other people doing foster care as well. We would hang out on the weekends or talk to each other on the phone when the kids went to bed. It made me feel good giving friends ideas on what would help them and for me to get help with my foster kids, too. We still do a lot of that today.
I still remember something that a foster child, a girl, said to me about 20 years ago. She talked about how hard it is to be taken away from your biological family. She spoke about feeling lonely, and sad, and scared. She was moved around a lot when she was younger. She never found a place that she could call home. She said that for her, home was a place where people cared about you and treated you with respect.
To sum up my feelings, a foster child is a gift that we are not allowed to keep. We hold their hands, their stuff and their future in our hands. We nurse them, yell after them, find them when they are lost and listen to their hearts when they will allow us to. Sometimes we shut ourselves away from them so they can't see our hearts break when they cry. Then we go back into the battle and try to help them heal. We learn something each time a child comes into our lives to stay for a while. But they teach us at the same time that we are supposed to be teaching them.
Foster homes are urgently needed for children in need of a loving and safe home. To learn more about how you can become a foster parent, please visit www.ascentria.org/fostercare or call 774-243-3062.
